RETURN TO

My Computer

When Tietje de Vries completed her first assignment in our U3A Creative Writing Class I realised that her experiences closely paralleled those of other folk battling to conquer 21st century technology in their latter years. Share her anguish and her triumph in this very human, humorous article.

My computer is my best friend, depending on whether it listens to me and follows my instructions. When it ignores those and pleases itself (or listens to the Devil)—always at the most critical stage of the work—it turns within a second into my enemy. "Lost! Everything lost again."

Just touch the wrong button and in front of your eyes the screen can turn blank, or present a totally different text—nothing like you were working on. You tell yourself, "Now relax, remember what you did. Why did it go wrong? Try to get back on track. Careful now!"

No luck this time. You try again and there is more confusion. You try a third time...  Is there any use trying a fourth time?

I feel like reaching for "the Brick" which would cost me money with the loss of all the programs. Everything!

Another try, one never knows. More clicking icons, following arrows, another route; following another lot of instructions on the screen. "Good heavens! I have never before seen THAT on the screen; how much more is tucked away in this computer?"

Eventually, I cannot believe it, suddenly I am back on the right track. Now I tell myself, "Stay calm, I must stay calm." I do stay calm and follow the instructions, then click the arrows, then click "go to", then click "Okay". Boy, I have made it. I am back in.

The time is? More than an hour and a half later.

Besides a computer I also have a printer which should always work smoothly in harmony with the computer. However, you guessed it, at times this printer also seems to be blessed with a mind of its own. Sometimes it shows preference for a particular document and keeps spewing out one copy after another. It's unstoppable—and I only wanted one copy.

Naturally it ran out of paper and on the screen it clearly tells me, "Printer out of paper," as if I did not know that already.

Of course it need not always be the printer's fault as, for instance, when in my enthusiasm I press "Print" and nothing happens. After wasting valuable time I then realise that I had forgotten to put in the ink cartridge.

As you see, I do have my problems.

How did I come to own a computer in the first place while I really did not want one? By having a son who just cannot watch older computers being discarded, thrown out. He feels compelled to rescue those, do them up, and give them to his unsuspecting mother.

"Really, Mum, I have this good one and it won't cost you a cent! I do know that you don't want one but just give it a try. I'll show you how it works, what you can do with it, all the info you can find, and the things you can learn."

That was the fatal word. "Learn." He knows how to get to me.

So Computer No. 1 entered our house and was soon replaced by Computer No. 2. and later by 3, 4 and finally 5.

By then I had had enough and as this son, my technician-on-call, was moving to Adelaide, I felt free to buy myself a NEW computer—not a fancy one, but one just right for my needs.

Even though this new one has its moments as well, it has less of them than Nos. 1-5 had.

Thank you son. I would not want to be without my computer now!